They say our destinies are written before we were even born. To become someone we dream to be, we should start fresh and young. Athletes rule the playgrounds, artists write crayons on the wall and policemen take money from their mom’s wallets without permission starting from age 3. So I’ve compiled this guide to see if your baby will be the next ruler of this forsaken country.
1. Upon childbirth the baby is accompanied by the PSG and an entourage of military personnel for security reasons. His/her bodyguards tackle the doctor when the latter tries to slap the baby in the butt.
2. He cries at night not because he is hungry but because he wants your attention and wants you to give him 500 pesos.
3. He learns to steal money from your wallet before he could even walk
4. His first words are “I promise”.
5. When playing with a sibling, he hoards all the toys.
6. At age 2, when caught peeing in the floor he denies it and shamelessly blames the maid.
7. Instead of Barney, he watches and enjoys The President’s Hour.
8. At daycare, he is the reason that the other kids are crying.
9. He sucks up to the teacher at preschool just to get good grades and bullies his classmates into giving their snacks to him.
10. When everyone is asleep, he sneaks into the kitchen and downs a bottle of whiskey.
If your child exhibits any of these, do us all a favor and send him to another country. We’ve got enough hoodlums running our country.
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neilisthekingoftheworld posted this
