Traffic is a bitch (like those girls from The Hills) and it surely ruins all our chances of getting that much desired promotion from the big boss. Here in Manila the word traffic has come to mean vehicles piled on top of each other never knowing when they will be able to move again and in my opinion we should have never trusted a singing fool to solve this urban disease.
So since we Filipinos are known for our resourcefulness, or at least being able to create multi-million dollar industries by selling videos of hookers pretending to be college girls, In the near future I am sure we will think of ways to get around this urban nightmare in ways which are more creative than Manny Villar’s commercials.
So to jump start this creative process here are 10 rides that could get us faster to where we want (or in a lot of people’s cases, where we are ordered to go).
1.Electric-fan Propelled Skateboards
What do you get when a thrasher gets a job at LBC? Well, he doesn’t but if he did his genius will be of great use.
“Fuck! I can even fly to the moon on this!”
2. The Big Bubble Ride
It sure is fun to bounce along EDSA while avoiding those goddamn buses. Just bring an extra set of clothes and some perfume to combat the inevitable vomiting you’ll have after.
3. The Multi-bike
Not only is it very stupid, but it also is a great way to build cooperation and strengthen friendships.
4. Wooden Ifugao Trolleys
Our own version of the Harley. Just don’t go two fast or you’ll burn…. seriously you’ll be engulfed in flames in this wooden shit.
*in the picture is The Hill’s Angels (hope you get this one)
Is that freaking Chuck Norris??
5. Bull-Power
Horse power is a pussy compared to horny Bull Power!
6. The Dual Crotch Bike
“Yo Frederick..”
“Yes Stevenson?”
“Don’t you think this is a little bit gay?”
“Uhm… nope, you should see my ass propellers.”
“No thanks..”
7. Uni-Motorcycle
“I got this 50% off.. a bargain!! Now I’m half of what Night Rider is!”
8. The Slave Train
“The perfect way to get beaten to death by the brothas!”
9. The Jet Pack
“After 10 years of building this in my mom’s basement, I ready to kick some ass”
The last words uttered by Reginald aka M@sterW@rl0ck76 before exploding into pieces.
10. Functional Strap-on Wings
“up up and away!!!!! I’m flying, I’m flying, I’m *BLAG*!
Audio tape of what happened to Jimmy during the 2002 Science Fair..
